Menopause? You May Feel It in Your Identity Before You Feel It in Your Body

Perimenopause often shows up emotionally before you notice anything physically. That subtle wobble in your sense of self? Totally normal. This post explores how noticing and naming those early shifts can become your gateway to a calmer, wiser, more intentional PMA — Positive Menopause Attitude.

Here’s the thing no one tells you about menopause: it doesn’t necessarily start with hot flushes or missing periods. For many women I’ve chatted with, the first sign — in hindsight — was a subtle shift in their sense of identity.

Not medically — emotionally.

Last month, a friend asked me, “Did you ever feel like you’d lost yourself somewhere between the laundry basket and your laptop?”

I laughed.

But inside, I thought: yes. God, yes.

Before I’d recognized a single symptom, I’d felt a subtle inner wobble. A “Who even am I today?” moment.

I kept quiet about it because I was ashamed of how flaky I felt. But now I know it’s incredibly common. In fact, it’s normal.

What seemed like the slow collapse of the (mostly) capable woman I’d worked hard to be, wasn’t that at all.

It was the early whisperings of opportunity.

I’m no medical expert, but from what I’ve read, hormones fluctuate long before periods start changing, and those fluctuations can affect our mood, focus, stress tolerance, and confidence.

This means the earliest thing many women feel is emotional misalignment, not dramatic hot flushes.

So, when you suddenly find yourself:

· napping at a dropped spoon

· Feeling oddly sentimental over a spare plastic lid

· Questioning your competence while reading a menu

· Or losing your sense of ‘unique identity’ in a supermarket queue

… it isn’t because you’re weak.

It’s because your internal landscape is shifting before your external one shows the signs.

Nobody teaches us this, so it feels horrible personal.

But here’s the good news…

When this emotional turbulence began, I assumed something was wrong with me.

I’d always been capable. Efficient. The woman who knew where everything was — physically and mentally. Scatter-brained, yes, but pretty functional.

So, when I started feeling off-kilter, I naturally blamed myself.

Not hormones.

Not biology.

Just… me.

But in hindsight, that disorientation was a nudge to take a step back and pause.

To reassess.

To notice myself.

It wasn’t menopause attacking my identity. It was menopause gently prompting me into self-awareness.

Feeling emotionally “off” is uncomfortable… no doubt about it. But here’s the thing… it’s meant to be. It’s telling you something.

It’s signaling that you need to take note. Observe. Become more self-aware. It doesn’t mean you’re breaking. It means you’re shifting. Re-centering. And it’s exactly what’s meant to happen when a woman with decades of wisdom, experience, and resilience (which you have!) is moving towards a new biological chapter.

Remember puberty? What a ball of chaotic joy, that was! Well, this encroaching menopause thingy has echoes of that — challenges included — but this time you have the advantage of wisdom.

If you listen to your body, you’ll realize it’s begging for some fresh consideration. Not panic. Not resistance. Not regret. And not denial. Just space to breathe so you can harness the wisdom of your unique and personal experience to your benefit.

Because once you stop judging the wobble, you can see what it’s trying to show you. And that’s where your PMA — Positive Menopause Attitude — works its magic.

Let me show you what this looks like:

·             Instead of “I’m useless,” I say, “Today, I feel overwhelmed.”

·             Instead of “I’m losing it,” I say, “I feel a bit embarrassed.”

·             Instead of “What the hell is wrong with me?” I say, “I feel insecure.”

And what then?

Naming the feeling instantly puts space between you and the moment. You can step back and observe rather than experience. You can assess and review. And in turn, you can then stop spiraling, see yourself clearly, and at last open your mind to the opportunity of showing yourself some understanding, empathy, and compassion.

Because YOU deserve that.

Once you become aware, you can reclaim control of your emotional wheel instead of clinging to the bumper; you can begin to steer a new course.

Let’s be real. Menopause isn’t a hoot.

I’m not asking you to celebrate broken sleep and night sweats.

PMA isn’t about pretending this is fun.

It’s about acknowledging what’s happening and meeting it with curiosity instead of criticism.

Think of it as your emotional threads unravelling just enough for you to see how you can weave them back differently. Every time you notice a feeling and depersonalize, you reweave a stitch intentionally.

Each one is a tiny, deliberate, PMA-powered adjustment to build a stronger, truer pattern of yourself.

When something odd or irritating happens — don’t name the symptom.

Name the feeling; be explicit. The real you needs you to acknowledge it.

• Forget what you were saying mid-sentence?
  Don’t: “My brain is broken.”
  Try: “I feel ashamed.” (Or whatever it is you do feel, effing irritated gets a thumbs up from me).
  Enjoy a PMA positivity breakthrough: My mind has some interesting lateral moments… Maybe I should listen to what it’s prioritizing today.

• Cry reading a cereal packet?
  Don’t: “I’m being ridiculous.”
  Try: “I feel so sad I’m no longer that carefree kid.”
  Enjoy a PMA positivity breakthrough: Yay, there is still a kid inside me — good!

• Snapped at your partner for breathing too loudly?
  Don’t: “I’m horrible.”
  Try: “I feel irritated because I need quiet.”
  Enjoy a PMA positivity breakthrough: Well… at least he’s still alive (though, if that doesn’t float your boat 😉, try… Well, at least my hearing is still on top form!).

Why does this work?

Because naming the feeling pulls you out of the moment and puts the power back into your hands.

Awareness = agency.

Agency = tiny, intentional adjustments = emotional control.

When you stop fighting those emotional perimenopause signals and start listening, you reconnect with those parts of yourself buried under decades of doing, caring, achieving, and surviving.

This isn’t the end of you — it’s the update you didn’t know you needed. And you’re getting to decide how you grow from here.

Imagine each moment as a stitch in a pattern…

Know that each confusion, misstep, or wobble as a thread that, once recognized and named, can be intentionally rewoven.

Over time, these threads can be knitted to form something entirely your own: something based on resilience, clarity, and self-compassion.

And that’s where it culminates — positive menopause attitude at its finest.

I call it knitting my own monkey

By observing your emotional wobbles, naming your feelings, and weaving them back with intention, you are literally knitting a new version of yourself. You’re knitting a monkey that reflects your soul, stitched with decades of wisdom, courage, and humor.

Every tiny purl is a win. Every moment of awareness is a loop completed.

No pressure. No drama. Just you, knitting your evolving identity with kindness, curiosity, and PMA.

So next time you feel emotionally off, pause.

Name it.

Observe it.

Adjust the thread.

And know that you are knitting yourself together more strongly than ever; ready to show up as the woman you were always meant to be, but wiser, freer, fully intentional, and… if you so choose, beautifully crafted with a touch of monkey madness.

Like the sound of that? Come and join me on Facebook — I’ve got plans to turn this menopause lark into the baboonas cahoonas!

Big hugs and keep positive!

GK Kingsley

Helping women find freedom, humour, and self-worth in menopause and midlife. YOU still have a yarn to tell…. It’s time to knit your own monkey! 🧶🌸💪✨

Originally published on Medium: Menopause? You May Feel It in Your Identity Before You Feel It in Your Body